“We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.”
– Henry Ward Beecher
“Any man can be a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.”
– Anne Geddes
To all the fathers out there, Happy Father’s Day!
Tomorrow, it will be six weeks since my beautiful baby girl was born. As I sit here on a Sunday morning and the texts are rolling in wishing me a Happy Father’s Day on my first Sunday in June as a new Dad, I can’t help but reflect on the whirlwind and indescribable experience that has now become our reality over the last month and a half since becoming parents.
As I’m scrolling through what seems like thousands of photos taken over the past six weeks and trying to encapsulate something profound and meaningful to describe the joy, gratitude, unconditional love, stress and sheer overwhelm that is the first month of parenting, I thought I’d take a break from the typical blog that I’m accustomed to writing and simply document our journey…the good, the bad and (I’ll never say ugly, so we’ll go with…) messy.
Ms. Kaia Josephine is going to be a force to be reckoned with.
My baby girl came into this world nine days early and decided to start her journey by screwing up all my plans (go figure). I had everything mapped out perfectly. I read all the parenting books, knew the timing and had my master plan all figured out (like the neurotic and anal retentive attorney that I am). Our projected due date was May 15th and I spent the weekends in March and April painting the nursery, building bassinets, bookshelves, strollers, installing car seats and getting everything ready…and thank God I did. I had my estate planning meetings and court schedule mapped out to a “T,” so that I’d finish all of my big projects and court dates before she arrived.
My wife’s birthday is May 6th and we decided we’d spend the weekend before building the last few things in the nursery, wrapping up the loose ends and a bit of a birthday celebration. The following week, we planned to get the hospital bags packed, meal prep for after the baby came and get all the final items on the to do list checked off. So, on Sunday morning, May 5th, my wife wanted to spend the day at two of her favorite places: Morton Arboretum for Dog Day to give the pooch one last big hurrah and hike, while reflecting on our wedding day at the scene of the crime before the baby came, and then go out to her favorite restaurant, Maison Sabika.
THE BIRTH:
That night at 11:30 p.m., as I was getting ready to head up to bed, my wife called my phone from upstairs – which is not normal for us – and told me not to panic, made me promise that I would be calm, but that I needed to come upstairs right away. Needless to say, she was going into labor and whether I was ready or not and this baby was on its way a week and a half early. Not to mention, that all the jokes were coming true and my wife was going to give birth on her Birthday! (…Yes, my daughter and my wife now have the same birthday… it’s crazy that it turned out the way it did)
As my wife’s motherly instincts clearly kicked into full gear, she was shockingly calm, oddly and uncharacteristically zen, and almost stoic, while I was anything but. I frantically spent from 11:30 at night until 4:30 in the morning racing around the house, trying to remember everything on the lists from parenting class and my books, packing our hospital bags, preparing the guest bedroom for her mother to stay over and take care of the dog, cleaning up all the house projects I started, while also trying to be a supportive husband and gopher anything that she needed. As I finished getting everything ready at 4:30 a.m. and laid down for what I hoped to be a couple hours of sleep before the big day, my wife’s labor pains kicked into high gear, and I ran her a bath and helped her into the tub. After hours of texting with our doula, manning the contraction app to time-out when we needed to leave and witnessing my wife go through labor with grace, I helped out with anything and everything that I could, I got a whopping 45 minutes of sleep, and it was time. The Doula was worryingly texting me that we needed to leave, but my wife decided to make her way out of the bedroom and go stair by stair for what seemed like an eternity. I’ll never forget the look on her face, as she uncharacteristically said to me, “everything is going to be great, I am calm, we’re both doing great and I am going to take my time.”
By the time we made it to the hospital, our amazing Doula, Robin Ross, was waiting at the hospital doors and rushed my wife in. As I grabbed the bags and raced to the room, I quickly found out that my wife was 10 cm dilated and it was go time. Within minutes, a team of nurses raced into the room, wheeling machines galore behind them and strapped my wife up to monitors. They spent minutes looking for the baby’s heartbeat and couldn’t find anything. As I was analyzing the frantic stares between the nurses, my wife and I started to panic along with them, but thankfully Robin jumped in asking a ton of questions about when the last time she felt the baby kick and if it has been moving. Turns out, we got the **** scared out of us thinking our baby may not have a heartbeat because they were using a heartbeat monitor that was dead. Thank God for our doctor, Sophia Rodriguez. She was amazing in every way imaginable. When she arrived, she quickly put all our fears at rest, inserted an internal heart monitor on the baby’s head and jumped into action. Although the entire delivery team was there right away and ready for this baby to come, that heartbeat scare I assume tensed my wife up the point where she wasn’t ready for the big event. After nine hours of laboring at home and 4 hours in the hospital, my daughter decided to make her debut in all her glory and fashion that I would imagine my child would.
My daughter decided to come out with one fist raised in the air, looking like a shriveled alien version of a Che Guevara poster. As a result of her fist pumping her way into the world to begin her revolution, her shoulder got stuck on my wife’s pelvic bone and her eventful entry into this world began. In seconds, I’ll never forget 10 woman’s hands diving onto this teeny tiny frail little half of a body emerging into the world. One nurse (Janelle) leaped onto the delivery table, it was crazy but in one jump she went from the floor to having one foot on each side of my wife’s legs with her back to us (it was amazing). What seemed like 20 hands were instantly jostling, twisting and pulling my little girl out before we even had time to get uneasy about the fact that she may not be okay. It all happened so fast, but I’ll never forget that feeling…it was as if time slowed down and I became the observer, watching one of the most incredible and miraculous moments of my life unfold before my eyes. It was wild, it was stressful, it was chaotic and scary, but it felt perfect, calm and as if it was unfolding exactly as it was meant to be and everything would turn out perfectly. Within seconds, our baby was in my wife’s arms.
For nine months, we had managed to not find out the sex and keep it a complete surprise because we’re old and when are you genuinely surprised about anything in life over 40. About an hour before my daughter was born, the nurse (Ashley) asked my wife what she thought the sex would be and my wife said, a boy. Ashley then looked up at me, smiled, winked and said I think that’s a really good guess. So, when they handed us the baby, pointing down to the mess of a clipped umbilical cord, the same nurse asks “what the sex is,” and considering we thought she told us an hour before and there’s a lot going on down there after birth, my wife naturally says, “it’s a boy.” For a few seconds after she corrected us and said it’s a girl, I was a bit perturbed because the nurse effectively told me I was having a boy and then yanked it away an hour later, but naturally, after looking into the eyes of my sweet baby girl, all was right in the world.
At least for a few seconds, because immediately after, the doctor said the cord to the placenta broke-off and started throwing a ton of medical terms around. After everything we had just been through, running on no sleep and pure adrenaline we simply looked to Robin to give us the nod of approval and it seemed like she approved. Just like that, we gave the okay and round 2 of the craziness began and was over again, in the blink of an eye.
I have to take a moment to thank our medical team, all of the women at West Suburban Women’s Health, the hospital staff and most importantly, our doctor, Sophia Rodriguez, and our doula, Robin Ross. Robin was amazing and a god send to keep everyone calm, ensure my wife’s birth plan was followed and translate all the craziness as it was unfolding around us at lightning speed. Dr. Rodriguez was the epitome of the perfect doctor. The entire time she was extremely calm, comforting, reassuring, but confidently in charge of the room and everyone around her. I’ll never forget the fact that during the entire birth, she never looked at me, she was completely and utterly focused on my wife and ensuring that our daughter was brought into this world safely and healthy. It was impressive. Dr. Rodriguez’s staff and team of nurses were outstanding and we couldn’t have asked for more – unfortunately, the only names I can remember in the midst of chaos, were Ashley, who spent more time with us than anyone, and Janelle for leaping a tall hospital bed in a single bound.
In the hospital post-delivery, Dr. Malone and Dr. Carpenter were so thoughtful and caring as they stopped by to check-in on us and spend what felt like much more time than was necessary chatting and answering the far-too-many questions that I innately am always compelled to ask. We were blessed and for the rest of my life, I will be eternally grateful to the amazing group of women that were there that day and helped welcome our daughter into this world at 2:18 p.m. on May 6, 2024. In all her glory, Kaia Josephine came into this world at 6 lbs. 4 oz, and almost 21 inches – a tall, skinny, red headed little gangly thing, with sasquatch feet. I’d like to think a true representation of her Dad!
Not to mention and more importantly, kudos to my amazing and wonderful wife – she was strong, calm and gave birth to our baby girl with grace – shockingly, all naturelle with no drugs, just as she planned!
THE HOSPITAL – POST DELIVERY:
So….I took all the baby classes, neurotically read 3 books in the first 3 months after finding out we were pregnant and academically was ready, but no one told me that everything would immediately be on me, as the Father, in the post-delivery hospital room. As we were going through all the baby classes, I deferred to my wife and thought she would be able to show me the ropes on diaper changing, swaddling and generally, be able to ween me into learning how to care for a baby. What no one told me was that mom can’t move after birth and 100% of everything that happens outside of Mom’s hospital bed is on Dad to take care of. I’ve never changed a diaper, swaddled a baby, or been responsible for a tiny human…but, God knows, ready or not – unbeknownst to me – I was going to be baptized by fire (meconium fire).
At that point, my wife and I had been up for 36 hours and we’re sitting alone in a hospital room with our newborn daughter for the first time. It was surreal to say the least. Sitting there, I felt an amazing, but indescribable feeling wash over me… it was a calm, warm, feeling of relief and reassurance, as we sat war-torn, sleep-deprived and riding a wave of adrenaline, staring at this beautiful, fragile, helpless little thing that we created and were now responsible for.
Beyond the fact that no one told me how much falls on Dad those first 2 days, no one told me how busy that short-two-day stint in the hospital would be. It was wild. The amount of people and things that need to be done after a kid is born is shocking. From doctors, nurses, social security, hospital staff, billing, administration, insurance, photographers, the pediatrician, masseuse, family and friends, it was a revolving door. Literally, every single time someone was in the room and wrapping up their visit, there would inevitably be a knock at the door with another person needing to conduct a test, get signatures, complete a form or simply check in to make sure we were staying sane and well-taken care of. They had it down to a science, but for me, it was definitely a learning experience that only a first-time parent understands after going through it.
I am a true believer in fate and that life is happening for me and unfolding exactly as it should be. Well on my wife, and now daughter’s birthday, it turns out that only two kids were born in the entire hospital. So, that first day and night, we had everyone’s full time and attention… I’ll never forget our nurse for the first night, Alex, who after 40 hours with no sleep volunteered to take our daughter on and off for the entire night and let us get (virtually) a full night’s sleep (in between feedings). It was glorious! The following day 18 babies were born though, so all of the time and attention quickly faded away. Thank god for all of our wonderful family and friends who supportingly came to visit, educate and help out the newbie parents.
& thank God for my sister-in-law who has four kids of her own for helping with that first meconium diaper change and for brining supplies that I never would’ve imagined we’d need, like fun goofy costumes for baby’s first hospital shoot!
And then in the blink of an eye, the secure, safe bubble of the hospital over two busy days quickly came to a close and we were being sent off into the wild to fend for ourselves as new parents.
GOING HOME & THE JOYS OF FIRST-TIME PARENTING:
Those first few days as parents, left to your own devices in your home with your fragile tiny human and dictator, are quite a trip. Everything is a first and a milestone. Sleepless nights are filled with feedings, crying and diaper changes. To this day, I am amazed at the realization of what everyone warned me about… it’s astonishing how much you can function on only a few hours of sleep over days when necessary and going through the motions of sleep deprivation.
For those first few weeks, we went through a bit of a roller coaster. At the first pediatrician appointment they were worried that she had jaundice and bilirubin, so we had to get the tests done and it took everything in my power not to hit the 20 something year old nurse as he was learning how to draw blood from a baby on the job and torturing my little girl for 20-30 minutes.
Then as we were settling into this new reality as parents, we quickly realized that something wasn’t normal. If she wasn’t eating or sleeping, my daughter was inconsolable and screaming bloody murder every waking moment, while involuntarily flailing her arms and legs, and clawing and climbing up us. For the first few weeks, every single person who met her gave us their medical opinion on what was wrong: she wasn’t getting enough to eat, had acid reflux, silent reflux, needed to be on formula, allergies, etc. I know that everyone’s “advice” came from a place of love and that they had nothing but the best of intentions, but as new sleep deprived parents who are merely trying to do their best and stay sane… as all parents know, and we’re beginning to learn… it causes you to worry unnecessarily, second guess yourself at every turn, and led to unnecessary deep dives through google to investigate if they were right.
It was a relief at our one-month doctor’s appointment, to find out that our daughter has Colic. As our doctor saw her in all her glory having an absolute meltdown, I’ll never forget her saying… “My god, if I had to put up with this every day, I never would have had four kids.” She said that it was clear that our daughter has the most sever case of Colic that she has ever seen personally. Proudly, I stood there as she told me that newborns cannot control the neurological firing in their brain and that Colic can be a sign of intelligence because her brain is firing so quickly that she can’t calm herself down. She explained that is why she is consistently moving her arms and legs up and down uncontrollably and frantically when she gets worked up. So, that’s been fun… Colic…. what a treat! Yet, with every passing day and week, things have been getting better and better…I’m crossing my fingers that it fades at eight weeks like the doctor said it may.
Although today, my first Father’s Day, has been a doozy. I think the worst bout today lasted about 4 hours and I may be losing my mind. If you don’t hear from me within 24 hours after checking-in – please call the authorities.
THE MILESTONES:
These first six weeks have been a whirlwind of chaos, peace, sleep deprivation, love, overwhelm, a shot nervous system, and awe. I asked one of my best friends for advice before of embarking on parenthood over one of our last rounds of golf and he simply said, “there’s no way to describe it, but welcome to the Thunderdome my friend.” I now understand what he meant.
I consider myself to be a patient person, but a newborn with Colic has taught me that I have a lot to learn when it comes to the art of implementing patience and understanding. At times, it’s been a lot.
Thank God for my wife, she has been a saint and motherhood is a good look on her. Me… the incessant bouts of crying are taking their toll, while she remains calm, cool and collected at every turn. I have known her for nearly 12 years now and this is definitely a new side for me to see and it is inspiring to say the least. I am beyond proud of her and thankful that Kaia and I have her.
As we’re finally now settling in and trying to get in the groove of this whole parenthood thing, and as I sit here reflecting on the first six weeks of parenting, on my first Father’s Day, it’s amazing how fast time has already flown by. She’s growing like a weed before my eyes and blowing through milestones on a daily basis. She’s shockingly strong and well beyond the normal expectations, on her second day home from the hospital she was crawling up us and has been ever since. She’s been lifting her head since we brought her home and now six weeks in, is practically crawling during tummy time. In the hospital, the nurses told us they’ve never seen a newborn kicking so hard, but she literally was standing up balancing herself today, with very little support – I don’t know what is in the water over here – but I may have an avenger or an incredible on my hands. She’s doing things that books say shouldn’t be for a few more months and it’s pretty wild.
Everything is a milestone and with each passing day, comes a new joy and celebration. From her first walk in the stroller, to finding out she loves the sound of Cicadas (it calms her down and was a blessing that she was born in the one month in 17 years where she’d get them singing to her non-stop on a daily basis), her and the dog interacting, sitting on her own (peacefully and without losing it, even if only for a few brief fleeting moments), getting to sleep back in our beds for the first time after 2 weeks on the couch, the umbilical cord falling out (no one tells you how bad that will smell by the way), Tummy Time, her first smile, reading her newborn books, her first photo shoot, her first bottle, trip to my office, my wife’s, the courthouse, football game, baby class, meeting all of her relatives for the first time and our first dinner out and about. It has been a whirlwind, filled with unforgettable memories, extreme highs and at times, completely nerve shattering and overwhelming.
APPRECIATION & THANKS:
It truly takes a village. In closing, I would love to thank all our family, friends, neighbors and colleagues for their love, support and generosity. Without it, I don’t know if we would’ve made it to this point with all our sanity (or at least what little we do have at the moment).
To my amazing neighbors for taking care of us, our dog and the house after rushing to the hospital, supporting my wife in some tough moments and all of the amazing gifts and meals that have been dropped off over the weeks (Jane – the cookies were amazing and please thank your mother on my behalf for everything she’s done for us). To our parents – my parents came to visit from North Carolina for 3 weeks to help out and it was fantastic getting to watch them spend time and bond with their granddaughter. To my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins and life-long friends who have come by non-stop to help support us (and steal some quality time and snuggles with the newborn baby) – we couldn’t have done this without you – and you know who you are.
Generally, it has been a shock and quite amazing to see the outpouring of love, support, gifts and attention that you get after having a baby. For the first few weeks, I swear I spent over an hour a day simply breaking down boxes and recycling the plethora of never-ending packages that came on a daily basis.
Here’s just a few of the hundreds of photos I wanted to post of everyone’s who has come by to welcome our baby girl into the world!
All I can say is thank you and that we are eternally grateful to each and everyone one of you who have been amazingly generous and supportive these first six weeks! It’s been a wild ride and we’re beyond excited for what the future may hold.
To all the dad’s out there on Father’s Day – this is my first – and I salute and celebrate you for all that you do!
P. S. – To any parents with a baby who had Colic – just let me know and I’ll buy you a round to swap war stories. Also, I apologize for my prior lack of understanding and sympathy.