A reflection on family, gratitude, planning, and the legacy we leave behind
As the one who doesn’t have to grow and carry a tiny human, I can’t believe how fast nine months have gone by. But, I’m proud to say that today we’ll be having a baby!
Even writing that sentence feels surreal.
Two years ago, when our daughter Kaia was born, I wrote about the first six weeks of becoming a Dad and how she came into the world nine days early and immediately blew up every carefully organized plan I had made. I had my work schedule mapped out, meetings arranged, the calendar cleared a week ahead of the due date, and a very clear idea of how those final days before becoming a father were supposed to play out. Kaia had other plans. She arrived earlier than expected. On my wife’s birthday, in glorious fashion by making a scary entrance to this world, one fist in the air like Che Guevara, and very quickly taught me that parenthood has very little respect for Dad’s calendar.
This time is different. Everything has gone to plan, the day is scheduled, the bags are packed, arrangements made, and it feels strange.
At 8:30 a.m. this morning, my wife and I will be prepped and god willing, a healthy baby (boy or girl) will make its debut. Strangely enough, it feels too easy. The date is on the calendar. There is a time to show up. There is a plan. Part of me feels like there should be more chaos, rushing around, and that holy crap moment. For me, it almost feels too easy (realizing that I’m not the one who has the difficult job here). As the Dad, I’ve done this once before. This isn’t exactly my first rodeo. All the old swings and baby gear got dragged out of the crawl space weeks ago. I know how to change diapers, we’ve got the clothes, the supplies. So, somehow it makes the waiting feel calmer and strange at the same time.
But underneath that strange calm is everything else: excitement, gratitude, nervousness, anticipation, and the realization that sometime today our family of three becomes a family of four. For me, it feels like the night before a vacation. You rush around packing, trying to make sure you didn’t forget anything, but until I step onto the plane that anything becomes real and my brain shifts and settles in to vacation mode, or in this case, wrapping my head around the fact that we will now have two tiny humans and get to go through the newborn stages all over again.
The Surprise
We still don’t know if we’re having a boy or a girl.
A few years ago, someone asked me: How many genuinely good surprises do you really get in life after you’ve turned forty? That stuck with me. So when we had Kaia, we went with the surprise and waited until the moment she was born. And now, it’s become a tradition that we couldn’t imagine doing any other way.
Boy or girl, it doesn’t really matter (granted I’m hoping for a boy to balance the scales in our home), but as long as everyone is healthy and all goes well, that’s all that matters. This child is already deeply loved, a part of the family, has a guest list and a greeting party chomping at the bit to welcome them to the world and celebrate.
It Hits A Little Differently For Me
Earlier this week, I sat down with two new estate planning clients. In each meeting, we talked about the same things I discuss with families all the time: their children, their finances, their home, their life insurance, their wishes, the people they trust, and what would happen if life suddenly changed.
We talked about how to protect their children, their family, their wealth, and their legacy.
And the entire time, sitting somewhere in the background of my mind, was the fact that before the week was over, my family and world as we know it, was about to go through a drastic change.
There is something humbling about helping another parent decide who should raise their children if they cannot, while thinking about your own daughter becoming a big sister. There is something different about discussing life insurance, trusts, guardians, beneficiary designations, and inheritance when you know that by the end of the week you’ll be holding a newborn child of your own.
I have spent years telling families that estate planning is not really about legal documents. Today, I’m going to get to experience that profound moment of clarity and indescribable understanding of what it feels like to become a parent a second time. But this time, I’ll savor it and appreciate the moment that much more.
Legacy Is More Than Money
As an estate planning attorney, I use the word legacy all the time. People naturally associate that word with what you’ll leave behind: money, property, investments, retirement accounts, businesses, and everything they have worked hard to accumulate.
Those things matter. Protecting your family’s wealth matters. Having the right Will and Trust matters. Naming guardians for your children matters. Making sure your life insurance and beneficiary designations actually work with the rest of your estate plan matters.
But those are merely tools. Your family and your kids are the reason.
For me, legacy now means so much more. It’s how you will be remembered. What will survive you and influence your family for generations to come. It is those special moments, memories, the time you spent with them, the values you modeled, the traditions you created, the stories you told, the mistakes you admitted, the lessons you passed down, and the thousands of ordinary moments that someday become the memories they treasure most.
When Kaia was born, I remember standing next to the hospital bed, exhausted and running on adrenaline after 36 hours of being awake, staring at this beautiful, fragile, tiny human my wife and I had created, and realizing that we were now responsible for her. I understood estate planning before that day. I understood why my clients were sitting at my conference room table after that day.
Today, if all goes well, I’ll get to enjoy that feeling one more time.
There Is Only So Much We Can Control
If you know me, you know I like a plan. I like being prepared. I like knowing what comes next.
Parenthood has repeatedly reminded me that life does not always cooperate.
You can prepare the nursery, pack the bags, organize the calendar, build the business, buy the insurance, create the trust, and put every contingency you can imagine in place. Then life happens anyway.
That does not make planning pointless. It makes being prepared for all possibilities that much more important.
We cannot control what tomorrow brings. We can control whether the people we love are protected if tomorrow looks different than we expected.
That is what a good estate plan is supposed to do. It is not an attempt to predict the future. It is a way to make thoughtful decisions while life is good, so your family has clarity, security, and guidance when life becomes difficult.
Today, I’m Just Dad
So today, I am going to do my best to stop thinking like a lawyer, business owner, networker, marketer, and problem-solver for a little while.
I’m going to be a husband. I’m going to worry about my wife, because even when the birth is scheduled and everyone tells you the procedure is routine, watching the person you love go into surgery is still scary. I’m going to think about Kaia at home and hope the transition from only child to big sister is filled with more excitement than confusion. And at some point today, I’m going to meet my son or daughter for the first time.
I know there will be sleepless nights. Dirty diapers. Crying. Bottles. Chaos. Changes to our routines, our marriage, our work, schedules, and probably just about everything else.
But right now, I mostly feel grateful.
Grateful for my wife. Grateful for Kaia. Grateful for our family, support system, and this little person we have not yet met.
I’m grateful for the family we have built and for the opportunity to watch it grow.
And maybe that is the greatest reminder of all.
Your family is your legacy long before anyone has to deal with my world and break out the legal documents.
We only get one shot, so if there’s anything I’ve come to learn is that as parents, we need to protect the life we’ve built. Put a plan in place and build the life and legacy your family deserves, intentionally.
And while you are doing all of that, do not forget to enjoy it.
Because life moves unbelievably fast.
And today, we’re having a baby.
If your family has recently grown, or your estate plan has not been reviewed since having children, it may be time to make sure your plan still protects the people who matter most. At Family, Wealth & Legacy Legal Solutions, we help Illinois families create thoughtful estate plans designed to protect their children, family, wealth, and legacy.
About Oak Brook Estate Planning Attorney Michael Biederstadt
Michael Biederstadt founded Family, Wealth & Legacy Legal Solutions with one mission: to keep DuPage County families out of court and out of conflict—and to protect them from life’s most common legal problems: death, disability, and divorce. He is also the author of the book, Life Happens. Are You Ready?, which provides families with actionable guidance on protecting their wealth and legacy across generations.
Michael’s approach is unique because he addresses the intersection of estate planning and family law, ensuring that a client’s legal strategy protects both their assets and their family dynamics. For nearly two decades of practice in the Chicagoland area—beginning in 2007 and expanding through his firm FWLLS, founded in 2023—he has seen firsthand how a lack of integrated planning can unravel even the best intentions.
At FWLLS, Michael leads a comprehensive four-meeting planning process that puts education first. This ensures clients make informed decisions today while benefiting from ongoing three-year review meetings to keep their plans current as their lives evolve. FWLLS works alongside each client’s financial and tax advisors to build a coordinated strategy, not just a set of documents.
FWLLS is located at 17W635 Butterfield Road, Suite 318, in Oakbrook Terrace, serving families throughout Oak Brook, Naperville, Downers Grove, and all of DuPage County. To start the conversation, book a free 15-minute introductory call at fwlls.com/book-a-call or call (630) 233-4223.